I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
