He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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