Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
