don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
