***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
