My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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