The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
