they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
