everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
