Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
