You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
