Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
