Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
