for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
