Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
