This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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