Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
