I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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