I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
