I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
