Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
