chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
