Too much gin, very little bucket
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The ass gains better be worth it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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