Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
