Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
