I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
