Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
