I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
