One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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