theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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