it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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