dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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