Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
