I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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