Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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