ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
