Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
