I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
