i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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