If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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