Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
