One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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