This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
