You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What drink are we having for lunch?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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