after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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