There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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