OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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