worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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