It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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