I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Randomize
