I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
