i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
