just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
