My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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