If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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