i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize