not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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