so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
