My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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