y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
