I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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