I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
