i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
