Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
