I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
