Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
