Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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