ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
