he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
