im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
