if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A bitchslap is in order.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
