My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
