You just made me feel so damn special
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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