hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Damn victory sex feels great
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
