I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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