she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
