if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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