I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
