kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
