I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
