Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize