i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
