hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
