Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Quick, to the slutcave!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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