need another drink. this is the easiest way
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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